• Alot About Me

• February 2010
• December 2009
• November 2009
• June 2009
• May 2009
• April 2009
• March 2009
• January 2009
• December 2008
• November 2008
• October 2008
• September 2008

everything is never as it seems… when I fall asleep Written on February 21, 2010, by snippy.

Leave my door open just a crack…Please take me away from here
‘Cause I feel like such an insomniac…Please take me away from here
Why do I tire of counting sheep…Please take me away from here
When I’m far too tired to fall asleep

Over the last 2-3 weeks I have averaged a total of 1-2 hours of sleep a night, not healthy.
My mind has been weighed down by way too many things that everyone, even my closest friends have only heard snippets of (though if they all spoke to each other they can probably piece together most of it), its a continuous weight that is getting heavier the stronger I try to become and it has affected my life heavily, work/social/God have all been affected by my mind, it is nothing as small as lack of women issues… alot worse..

Some thoughts:

- I want to believe that God has a plan for me, I know he really does but I can’t fight this feeling that this continuous slow pain is going to continue.
- I am thankful that I have, relatively in a worldly sense, a great life. But why am I down? Should I not have the opportunity to be down and out about everything around me? Am I not allowed to be sad? Is it wrong for me to ask for a slice of luck, something to fall my way…?
- My true colours have been shown to many people and its very negative, same way I view myself. I don’t think I can handle this shocking world I live in.
- I would love to see 10 million fireflies light up my dark sky
- I think I am seriously going to snap it soon if one more thing does not go my way… its one too many weights for me to carry around….

I recently completely froze on a conversation with someone that had the potential to be important in my life, instead, everything is lost and what suave calmness, smoothness, class, cheekyness, charm and anything else I could rely on was thrown out the window. I am back to self sabotaging myself.

An air of desperation and lostness has overcome me, I can not talk to people properly and working in a service industry that can become difficult, I just do not know what to do with myself anymore and what I can do to snap out of it. I prevented myself from releasing every detail of it all to whom I care about…. sometimes I just want someone to just drink coffee with and chat about nothing to, someone that just talks heaps and I can listen to… hours on end.

I will, as agreed with a work colleague, no longer chase anyone this year. I do not want the added pain of rejection and loss of friendship.
Maybe I can fall asleep this time… and make myself believe that planet earth turns slowly… and that pain of waking up is not there..

….I dangerously think I miss her.

Ahhh yes. Happy New Year. Written on February 14, 2010, by snippy.

Happy Chinky New Year as well as regular New Year. I just realised that previous post was the first of the year so I wish everyone a safe but super fun time and you guys and pray for me that my squash game improves… as well as my love life.. =p

Second Chance. Written on February 14, 2010, by snippy.

Scorpio: You should slow your thinking down today and try not to stress yourself out about the future. You can only make plans, get things in order in your head and if you’re into it, start a vision board, write down affirmations and list what you’d like to achieve. Then start making small steps towards those goals. But today is for taking that time and not expecting too much of anyone, including yourself.

“I’m not angry, I’m just saying… sometimes goodbye is a second chance”

I do worry too much. It will usually take me a couple of weeks (it is getting less and less the more it happens) to get over something but then again I probably need a few more “closures” to get over it.

—————–
Strange, that above statement was written well over a month ago but was in draft mode. Anyways thats a snippet on the start of the year I had.
I think I am in the same situation as I was at the start of the year, though a little healthier. Random stuff happens to me like a drama series… and I act like I am in a drama series from it.

I just listened to John Mayer’s latest album, Battle Studies, about 4-5 times (it took about that many goes to love his last one… Continuum) but its just not him. Why did he have Taylor Swift (who I don’t mind btw) sing about 5 seconds of a song that my sister could probably do? Just for sales?
He needs to get a grip, fire his publicity staff (his wit is not evident in recent interviews), production staff and start writing music again. His first few albums were great and then combined into what I think is probably his greatest work, Continuum. It seems he really wanted everyone to listen to Continuum but with Battle Studies he seems very very lazy, even when promoting it. I guess its hard to describe the album, he has evolved alot over the years but is either trying too hard(doubt it) or too little, it sounds off.. it’s like you, I and a few others got our top 3 favourite colours together in paint and put them all in a big bucket… what you get is like a murky green brown that no one likes but is the combination of all our favourites! His album is all lost somewhere, trying to his genres combined.. blues, pop, contemporary etc.. and just failing…. he is more lost then me typing this post.. maybe if I listened to it about 20 times it can grow on me, John Mayer albums have a habit of doing that but this one is taking a while.

If you want his finest work, get a DVD/CD copy of “Where the Light Is: Live at the Nokia Theatre”, I just wished I was there to listen to all his tracks then.

Anyways met someone interesting recently but I have given it no hope… nah I am naive, I ALWAYS give it hope…. my over a month ago self was right… it takes a few goes to get closure for me. Oh well….

Even if the sky is falling down… down.. down…. Written on December 16, 2009, by snippy.

My volatility has manifested blog titles that don’t make total sense to what I am writing. This time its just happens to be the song I am listening on my winamp, I wonder if anyone else still uses winamp like I do? I think Apple has changed all that dramatically haven’t they? Them and their ipods, its enough for you to change the name of a famous Aussie spread from Vegemite to iSnack 2.0… oh..

What’s that you ask? You require a quick run down of my past week or 2? Are you sure? Fine I will have to give it to you then =p.
Very quickly, I had a fantastic Golf/Fishing/HangOut/Relaxing getaway trip up to Shelly Beach with my closest mates, the backyard of the place we rented out was the actual Golf Course (no Tiger Woods jokes today peeps) and if you walk across the Golf course itself there’s the famous Shelly Beach… It was FANTASTIC, so 2 days of Golf, some Football, heaps of fun chat, drinks, poker, friends and Beach Fishing, what else could I ask for? Its enough for me to come back to work a bit more energetic before Christmas. Work should be interesting, I am getting lazy and I hope that everyone leaves so I get no work to do…. I really want to laze around for a bit and relax… even after this trip.

What have I learnt so far from this trip?
- I am a very lazy poker player when my mind is not into it.
- Some people I realise are extremely good value no matter how I view them and I will have to invite them to future trips.
- Everyone I know is now locked in long long term relationships (I say most if not all will get married to their current partners), time to step up myself (meaning find someone)? Time will tell, actually some of them are already married/engaged.
- I still suck at Golf. I guess I have a lifetime to figure it out.
- We are such tourists, cue the video camera. At least we got some nice fails on High Definition. Yup, some HD Fail action is fun.
- It is quite funny to see 10 Asians and a white boy all wearing polo shirts in a supermarket courtyard. At least we didn’t get lost then: “where are they?… look for the bunch of Asians being led by a white guy all wearing Polo Shirts”
- Bugs, big or small love to hit my face. I am such a girl with bugs.
- I can not smoke cigars, I probably will not smoke them again.
- It is super cool to have 5 guys driving around eating PaddlePop Sticks.

Sometimes you just have to be thankful for the simple things in life. This was awesome.

PS. Looking forward to “Wicked”, just got some tickets. Should be an interesting night.

Dancing with myself. Written on December 9, 2009, by snippy.

how sad is it? I reckon I can dance pretty well but at the Christmas party I was at times dancing by myself. Events unfolding … *dream sequence*

Things started off well, I had an awesome costume and I was pumped to talk and meet all these people I gradually built a relationship with at work, then the wheels fell off before I could even leave work on time:
- My closest 2 team buddies both had gastro and both couldnt make it. Basically my wing people, the guys that open doors for me, now I am good with alot of people but that ruined any chance of me getting to know people, I dunno why but I needed their confidence boost to assist me.
- People stick to who they know too well, especially the younger ones. It made me feel inferior that I again have to say Hi to everyone, make big efforts and look like an idiot when I dance by myself and not with them.

but enough of the negatives, so it wasn’t a great night. What did happen was I won the costume contest and got a cool voucher for it =)
I left 40 mins in and came back later, had to drop a work friend off the other side of town, picked up another friend on the way, had dinner with her and decided belatedly to come back, mistake but at least I talked to some peeps. God how many people are married/taken get onto each other???? I was slightly disgusted but then again this world is very odd for a naive guy like me. I don’t know how to react sometimes other then be super cool me.

The weekend I just didnt want to stay home so I went out with various friends buying stuff, chatting, not sleeping, chatting, deep meaningful’s getting to know myself.
I won’t go into the details but I came out of this weekend learning alot about myself.

A list of things I NEED to do:
- just came back from Indoor Futsal, I NEED to get fitter and faster. Gyming daily is helping, now to fix that diet of mine.
- get a plan, think of the end in mind. I want to now move forward in my career and I know I am making alot of noise at work but next year is going to be my year.
- keep my head up and keep smiling, its infectious, hopefully that can spread to a lucky someone.

Oh my I have got to be the most volatile person in the world.
“omg there’s a dead ant… my life is over… run!!! oh wait… theres a nice girl smiling at me in the distance, I’m the best in the world aren’t i?”
hehe I absolutely love my volatility though.

Another thing to get this straight, I am not a creep. Please do not get offended and scared of my over eagerness to make friends / relationship with you. There should never be a “certain way” of doing things, I am who I am, girls… don’t get too sucked in with the suave person, you might regret it, especially when you get slightly older and realise the 100 super nice guys you threw away and spat in the face are now happily in a relationship with people that count or don’t want any part of you. Don’t tell me this man draught I keep hearing about is not your fault, it is your fault, guys hearts get broken and quickly catch on. (edit, not all your fault, there are plenty of wonderful people out there but there are bitches that stuff it up for everyone).
So enjoy your one night meaningless stands when your 45 and wondering when you want someone to see you the way that guy u flicked away did when you were 24.

Give everyone a chance. Something I might do soon….

I see your true colours shining through. Written on November 30, 2009, by snippy.

You with the sad eyes don’t be discouraged
oh I realise it’s hard to take courage
in a world full of people you can lose sight of it all
and the darkness still inside you can make you fell so small
But I see your true colours shining through
I see your true colours and that’s why I love you
so don’t be afraid to let them show
your true colours, true colours are beautiful.. like a rainbow

Sometimes it just takes music to inspire, create a deeper despair or just put things in perspective.
On repeat is the Glee version of the above song (sung by the beautiful character in Glee, Tina) and never heard it so beautifully sung by anyone before, even the original.

My last few weeks have been a bunch of highs and lows:
In a nutshell, I put a deposit down for an apartment, albeit with ALOT of thought going into why, it is another one of my more impulse purchases that has a potential to really bite me but like life and most things I do, I need to take a punt. Cheap, Newish, some damage, next to train station, new shopping centre being built, bad strata management etc… its up and down, I love the place but I am scared of it at the same time, should be exciting. Got a minor promotion at work so as well as my own career, I want to be the person that can shine a light to the whole team, get them believing that things are certainly possible from any position and create a great environment for everyone.
My fitness regime has been suffering a bit, it is hard to get back into routine but I will and I have been on and off trying to get fitter for a while, I will keep at it until I reach a satisfactory goal, even if I have to sacrifice a few things (other then kilos of course.. ha..ha), the mentality has been off at work so like I just said, I will create an environment that is good for all. I love where I work at and I hope to stay there for a long while yet, buck that Gen Y trend of moving on after 2-3 years.
My main concern is that I have been suffering minor bouts of loneliness, though I think I am very adept at solitude and companionship, being single for so long does weight on my mind, though I still will not readily accept any person that walks past me like some people have advised, I give everyone a chance but I am allowed to make a choice am I? Or do I have to walk around with beautiful people telling me that I have no choice? I feel really small sometimes, EVERYONE around me is beautiful and I tend to over-compensate and over-exaggerate other skills I have to feel wanted.

I am worried… something wrong is going on in my mind recently, a confusion and a mental block, maybe I do need to look after myself.
“if this world makes you crazy and you’ve taken all you can bear, you call me up because you know I’ll be there”
…..I would love someone to call right now…

Stupid story of the day:
Spent most of Sunday Ebaying, got heaps of stuff for my new phone (a highly praised E72), among them are a possible fake set of awesome earphones, now I am not an audiophile but the last set was about 70% cheaper then the real ones and it had awesome sound also the packaging was perfect to a Tee, I can honestly not spot the fake and I am usually pretty good at spotting fakes being a Gadget and I.T. freak. I also got a real set of 50 buck microphone adapters for my new phone (high brand name, shure) looked closer after clicking on “buy”…. found out its only useful for the IPhone. Grrr… I have a love hate relationship with this object that rules so many lives, the apps in this are beyond awesome but I rarely go with the trend. I might if the next Iphone comes out with maybe a QWERTY keyboard. I have a belief there is always another object like a hidden diamond out there that is better then the IPhone or whatever trend is happening. Guess I’m just awesome that way. Anyways thats 50 bucks loss for the single income guy that is still on one of the lowest ladders at his company with a mortgage. Great. oh yeah I found out SINK stands for Single Income No Kids. Makes me feel kinda lonely.

Apologies, I have been everywhere with my writing as this has been typed spanning Friday to Now (Monday Morning) unedited and with bits added inbetween odd paragraphs, you can see the range of emotions in my writing already, it has been a strange few weeks, something I see as progress, other things I thought was progress is not, some things I might have to let go…
I have reiterated why my true colours have had trouble shining through to people, but a small word from a friend has explained to me that maybe I should not try so hard and let things be, I know I can be scarily awesome at times but I think I can now feel the vibe, appreciate what I have and keep working hard.

That is all I can hope for, I will always be a dreamer and a naive one at that.
One can only hope that someone can see my true colours and that will be the reason why they love me too.

Can’t fight this feeling Written on November 11, 2009, by snippy.

Fine you dislike me.
That is ok. But only dislike me because you know me and have assessed who I am, do not dislike me because you haven’t even attempted to know me.

I find it severely unfair I get interpretted the wrong way, just because of the way I look and act from the very few moments I get to see people.
Frist impressions last? What stupid media hype. That is why there are so many divorces out there, people get sucked into the short term not the long term.
A guy approaching 30 trying to make new friends, new relationships to help disconnect whatever past he has is not a bad thing is it? Then why do most people shut themselves off? Close themselves off? Too comfortable? Too good for me? Something to hide?

Spend some time with me, get to know me, even just for a decent 20 minute conversation, then you can judge on who I am and what I am about and be straight up, how do I become a better person when its just rejections and and sugared answers? It’s an epic struggle in this world for a non-decent looking person to get a chance in this material world/life we live in. But I refuse to let that get to me, people can say/act/be what they want but I am all about changing their perception of me.

Despite that minor rant, Im quite happy. The Glee in me has been shining and wishing I created a Glee club back in High School and took dance/singing lessons.
The days have been beautiful recently, the city is quite empy at 6:30am and its nice to walk around the sunshine.
My recent dreams have been of me doing a cheographed dance with my friends for my wedding, its gonna look sooo cool, then I do a dance number around my future wife and shes all happy and singing along. Good times to look forward to. Now for that elusive wife to be… maybe I should just concentrate on what relationship I have at the moment and build on that first =p

I’m walking on sunshine…whoa oh..and don’t it feel good!

© Copyright snippytown.com - Powered by Wordpress - Edited by Snippy~ Dinners are the best.